December 2011
47 posts
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Rich-speration.
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Are My Parents Becoming Crazy Old People?
Mom: I think the cordless phone isn't working.
Dad: Do you want me to drop off the rib roast?
Mom: ... I need somebody to go to Safeway.
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Hire me, Conan.
kristinmariex3:
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Inner Monologue of "Did You Just Make Air Circles...
Exterior, daytime. Walking to work.
Lady at the corner: “HEY!”
Me: [Looks over shoulder. No one there.]
Lady: “Hey! WHERE’S THE [gestures at vagina] CLINIC!?”
Me: “I don’t know…”
Lady: “Come on, help me out.”
Me: “What clinic?”
Lady: “The one where you get checked for STDs.”
Me:
I don’t know...
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Happy Winter.
Time to listen to the Nutcracker on repeat. YEAH!
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tweedandbowties:
OMG.
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Inner Monologue of OH MY FUCKING GOD
Normal day in the office… you know, staring at my computer screen.
[nearby sound] Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.
Wha?
[Faster] Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap!
Um, that’s an unusual noise… sounds like it’s coming from the window—
OH SHIT!
SCARY CRACKHEAD’S FUCKING RAISIN FACE IN THE WINDOW! TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAPPING AT ME!! GAHHHHHH
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Recipe for Raspberry Cordial
Servings: 6
INGREDIENTS
2 (300 g) packages frozen raspberries
1 1/4 cups sugar
6 cups boiling water
3 lemons
DIRECTIONS
1. Put the unthawed raspberries into a saucepan and add sugar.
2. Cook on medium, stirring occasionally until all the sugar has dissolved.
3. Using a potato masher, mash the raspberries and syrup thoroughly.
4. Pour the mixture through a strainer, extract...
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I would kill for these young, sweet little feline souls, these two boys. I would...
– Robert Downey Jr., on his cats Montgomery and Dartanian. (via iwantcupcakes)
FUCK YEAH, HES A CAT PERSON!! we shall marry now.
(via fuckyeahrdj)
For you, @dailycardigan. Haha!
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Sign the petition!!!
amityboattours:
http://www.change.org/petitions/universal-studios-orlando-stop-the-closure-of-the-jaws-ride
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